Life Learning...Natural Learning...Life?

It's crazy looking back on my other two posts about Maddie's journey since coming out of school. It all seems like a life time ago and so much has changed and keeps changing.

Since my last post, I've had the pleasure of reading a number of books that totally flipped my ideas on learning and education.

To some of you these books might be familiar, but to those who haven't heard of them and are interested in a more natural way of learning then I highly recommend checking them out.

When she first came out I didn't really take things too seriously. I've never considered myself to be her 'teacher' and I've only ever tried to make things fun and interesting by providing her with interesting learning material.

I should also probably add that in the beginning she was adamant that she wanted me to plan lessons and mark them and go through the motions of mainstream school. So I did my best, and this meant lots of worksheets, and keeping track of what everyone else her age was learning for ideas etc. We did get more and more relaxed over time, but I was still giving her stuff to do most of the time. Stuff I thought she needed to learn.

It wasn't until the beginning of last year that I truly began to understand what I was doing, how I wanted things to change and what I needed to do to start seeing those changes.

Now I'm not going to preach and tell anyone what they should be doing.

All I can do is talk about what I've learned and what works for us.

Basically, what unschooling/life learning mean to us.

My thinking started to change and blossom through a series of different sentences that stuck out to me in the various books I read,

and once those new ideas had taken root in my mind,

I found myself spending a lot of time pondering life in general and what things were like before the school system came into place.

Even simple things like how human beings learn to walk and talk took on a whole new meaning.

I quickly started to realise that we don't actually need to 'teach' our children anything.

I started to notice a pattern of understanding across all the information I was getting,

no matter what kind of parenting book I was reading,

behind all the tips and tricks and research information,

at the end of it all was the same, simple, obvious conclusion - monkey see, monkey do!

This is something we all already know! Could it really be that simple?

Since making changes in our lives and my close observation of these changes, I can confidently say, YES.

It really is that simple.

We had a similar experience when we watched vegan documentaries -

we always had the logical information, we just weren't making that connection until we heard it presented in a certain way.

I stopped being concerned with curriculum's and I stopped thinking about lesson plans and what I thought she should be learning.

I completely moved away from education as we know it and put 'school' so far out of my mind that all that was left was life.

I stopped giving her things to do and I let her get bored - so bored it was painful to watch sometimes.

And every time I started to think that we weren't doing enough or that I was making a mistake,

I would go back to my books and I would remind myself that children are curious by nature,

human beings are curious by nature,

and that anything they want to know they will seek out and learn.

I didn't interfere with her boredom and I didn't interfere by giving her ideas - because I wanted to see if that curiosity in her would come back if given the chance.

And after 2-3 months of taking myself and my concerns,

thoughts and taint out of the equation, she finally found her inner voice.

A voice that wanted to make decisions, that wanted to explore and that was suddenly finding passion in different things.

Now don't get me wrong,

I didn't just sit around and not communicate with her or guide her.

I did not take myself out of her life as a mother and nurturer.

I just stopped being concerned with education, and started to think about how I could go about helping my little human grow into a well rounded person.

Someone who can think for herself and trust herself and understand that knowledge goes way beyond maths and literacy.

What we have both realised is that by filling our lives with experiences and connection and curiosity,

we can learn SO much, and in learning this natural way,

it doesn't ever have to be unpleasant or forced.

Since getting over that initial stage of feeling like she would never get the spark back in her brain,

things have flowed so freely,

and the change in both of us and in our relationship has shifted enormously.

I'm never stressed about her learning, and feel so confident in what I am doing that I never have moments where I get panicked anymore.

Maddie has become this person who trusts herself to make decisions and empowers herself with information whenever she has a question.

All I have to do is be there for her, for any questions she may have;

to expose her to new people and environments;

for conversations, games, wisdom and cuddles.

And probably the most important thing of all, her role model.

My new favourite thing to tell anyone who asks is - If you want your child to follow their dreams, then follow your dreams.

If you want your child to be fit and healthy, then be fit and healthy.

And don't do it as a lesson, do it for yourself because you want to and they will follow suit.

So probably the best part, that also happens to be the most effective, is just doing what I love to do with my days.

A common question/comment I get, is how do you stop your child from 'choosing' to spend all their time in front of the TV or their iPad.

This was hard for me, because I'm a nature person and I don't want her face in a screen often,

but I can also appreciate what a beneficial tool it is for many resources and for a bit of goofing off fun.

What I did initially, was let her watch a few videos about screens and why it's important to take breaks,

and how being on it too often can affect your brain and moods etc,

especially at night right before going to sleep.

This was well received, and although she wanted to spend long periods of time on it initially, she was armed with the information she needed to make the tough decision to put it down when she felt like she had been on for a while.

Sometimes she will still be on for long periods of time over weekends, but this usually doesn't bug me, because it will be after we've been for a hike or cycle or something else,

and we all like to chill with our devices more on the weekends.

I like to look at our overall usage for a week instead of each day,

because it's easier to see a good balance that way.

Sometimes I will also entice her away with other fun things.

Like asking if she would like to play a board game, or even watch a family movie -

so that it's a different kind of screen time.

What I didn't want to do was impose limits,

or make it seem like some bad thing that would be used as a tool for punishment,

or to make her feel like being on her devices was a bad thing that she needed to be sneaky about.

She learns most of her stuff from screens,

because we are pretty much a paperless household,

so she needed to have a good relationship with technology and understand how to be responsible with it and form good habits for herself.

We keep so busy during the week that she rarely uses it until the evenings when she reads on her kindle app or listens to audiobooks.

And if your child spends an enormous amount of time on screens and you are struggling to balance this,

try having a look at how often you are on devices,

and perhaps start picking up different things from time to time instead of a phone or iPad.

When I look up from my screen and realise we have been on for a while without much eye contact or communication,

I don't tell her to put down her screen or say 'we've had too much',

I just simply put it down and grab my guitar, or a sketch pad or start baking...she usually follows in minutes.

Remember: Monkey SEE Monkey DO.

I know that in the beginning it can be quite terrifying to trust your children. Trust them to take charge of their own minds and forge a path for themselves.

But I believe that any child who is given the chance to open their minds,

and given the space they need to find their natural curiosity again,

won't disappoint even the most sceptical parent.

No matter what your children see in their future,

you need to understand that they are people now too -

they don't become people later,

and that now is the best time for them to make mistakes and try different things.

What we don't want to do is make learning seem like nothing more than memorising information for some grade that somehow determines their worth.

We want to show them that learning feels amazing and exciting and that any idea they have can lead them down a path of knowledge and fun.

Maddie absolutely loves baking, and has decided that it's one of the things she wants to do well in her future,

and because of this joy and passion,

she gets out of bed most mornings and works on different aspects of her 'baking business'.

She has designed online pamphlets, she has made presentations,

she asked her dad to show her how to do budgeting on excel so that she could work out pricing,

she started a YouTube channel and a blog etc.

She did all of this because she wanted to. She's learning real skills in real life and she's doing it without being asked or told to.

I often tell people that even if she never did maths in her whole life and decided later on in her life that she wanted to be something like an architect for instance,

she would go out and get the education she needs for it,

because if anyone really wants something,

that's exactly what they do.

There is no timer on learning and there is no deadline.

I learn new things everyday, we all do.

We need to stop thinking of our children as these small incapable things and start seeing them as people,

with the same thoughts and feelings as us.

In fact we can actually learn a lot from our children,

especially in this rat race of a world.

Do not underestimate your child and what they can teach you,

about yourself and the world.

So basically we now live our lives, and we all do exactly what we are interested in doing,

and by doing what we love each day, we are better people for it,

and our connection to ourselves and each other is stronger than ever.

We don't see any difference between living and learning,

we don't see these things as separate paths.

If you are interested in following a more natural learning journey with your children and for yourself then I highly recommend you read:

John Holt - How Children Learn

Shefali Tsabary - The Conscious Parent

I also found the book 'The Newbies guide to Gentle parenting' a great resource.

It was such a quick and easy read and really helped me understand communication between Maddie and I on a whole new level.

I've also watched a lot of TedEd talks on education,4 and I've also read different bloggers takes on unschooling and what it means to them.

My advice is just to give your kids the trust and space to surprise you.

When it seems like it's never going to happen, just hold out a little longer.

A lot of Maddie's big ideas and decisions literally came the day after I had to hold myself back from jumping in.

Get out there and read and watch all the different opinions you can,

but ultimately trust being a human -

because being human means to be curious and curiosity leads to knowledge.

It will truly blow your mind and make you feel alive again!

If you have any questions or are curious about something in particular then please leave me a comment below or contact me through my contact page and I will do my best to answer you.

Sending you all Peace and Positive vibes

#Lifelearning #Natural #Unschooling #HomeEducation #Education #Mindfulness